Friends

I need friends. I have friends; but i need friends that actually want to hang out with me. I need some people in my life that really don’t give a damn about my situation. I am going to start doing things that I want to do and if the people in my life want to participate then you are welcome to. Otherwise I will meet new friends. Am I wrong?

Me.

I love books. 
I love to talk about books.
I think a little too deeply for my own good sometimes.
My brain goes so fast and so far beyond what I am able to control sometimes.
I like old logs, stumps,  rotten old abandoned houses, old concrete walls covered in moss and lichen.
I love cats....and dogs but I am more of a cat kind of person.  I am good with other peoples dogs.
I think about old bones, half exposed in the brush somewhere.  It doesn't matter whether it is human or animal.  I like finding these and trying to tell their story.
I like classical music.
I like alternative and heavy metal music.
Beethoven is my favorite.
I like electronic, ambient, and dub step, too.
I like old woodpiles, and being alone somewhere far away at dusk.
I am meloncholy; sometimes to the extreme.
I love movies and love to talk about a really good one that makes me think.
I love the smell of fresh turned dirt in the spring, the sound of frogs, and the smell and sounds of a good swamp.
And oh do I love insects, bugs, and yeah even spiders.
I grew up with fish and water everywhere so it is in my blood and I love it.
I like to sit somewhere and see what happens; anywhere. 
I think my favorite places to sit are in a natural setting.  I like to just be quiet and see what lives there.
Although, I also like to find little ecosystems in the middle of cities and see what lives there.
I love the little things that make up our world.
The ocean is my place to re-set to zero.  I want to live there.  Not some sunny beach but the Pacific Northwest Coast.
I love the night sky but loathe it too.  It hurts my brain trying to figure out what is out there.  I want to know.
I practice Zen Buddhism and fail everyday.
I know that if I did not have my children I would end it all.  I love them more than anything that exists.
I am lonely but not very social and am awkward.  I try to be a nice guy.  I treat people the way I want to be treated but I don't always want to. 
Sometimes I don't want to talk and there is no reason
I love motorcyles...everything about them.  Tattoos as well.
I just put flowers on my parents grave and cried for an hour.  I haven't done that in a long time.
People like me for some reason that I don't understand.  I don't get it.
I know all these things but do not know myself.  Go figure.