Which horse are you?

The paragraph below is from, “Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind” by Shunryu Suzuki. I wish I could have met this man. So much of what I think about comes from his “talks”. A very simple man, with a very complex mind.

“In our scriptures, it is said that there are four kinds of horses: Excellent ones, good ones, poor one, and bad ones. The best horse will run slow and fast, left and right, at the drivers will, before it sees the shadow of the whip; the second best will run as well as the first one does, just before the whip reaches it’s skin; the third one will run when it feels pain on it’s body; the fourth will run after the pain penetrates to the marrow of it’s bones.”

So what horse are you? I think in the beginning I am the best horse. Whatever I am doing, I want to be the best at it, whether it is work, or pleasure. Anything I start I take on with conviction and the desire to please myself and everyone around me. However, after awhile, things happen. A bad day at work, a project at home that no matter what I do will not be up to the vision I had in my mind when I started. So I then move to the second best, usually with the same results. I then usually skip the next horse and be the bad horse.

So…I am the bad horse now. There is hope according to Suzuki, “those who have great difficulties in practicing Zen will find more meaning in it.” I think that this must be true with life in general. I know that when I finish a difficult task, I usually feel pretty good, however I never think it is good enough. Or whatever it is, is lacking something.

I once read a book, and I still read it from time to time, where the author’s life was changed by a fortune cookie that said, “progress, not perfection”. According to him he was instantly relieved of his writer’s block and felt much better about his life.

So what am I trying to say? I need a whip to penetrate to the marrow of my bones? Yeah, probably. Suzuki says, “When we reflect on what we are doing in our everyday life, we are always ashamed with ourselves.” Yeah, I think this is me. However, I know not everyone thinks this way. Just people like me.

Anyway, blah, blah, blah! So what is pleasure from everyday life? I gave a cup of soup to a very ill patient the other night, the look on her face when she tasted it was heaven. She will probably die but maybe for that moment all was good.

Well, I am done for now.

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